Emotion – bottle it up, pour it out or get in on tap?

A recent training course was memorable for a number of reasons, not least of which the wide range of emotional experiences of the participants. The intensity of these experiences, at least the ones I observed and participated in, was so great that it “made a strong man cry”, and caused lesser mortals to give up using mascara as a display of emotion was sure to well up at any time.

The question is, what can we do with this emotion in sales and in business?

In corporate life, as in the academic world, and I suppose in family life above the age of about 12, the answer has always been – “Emotions should be felt but not seen (or heard”! Certainly my experiences in the lands of the stiff upper lip (UK) and the rigid backbone (Germany) taught me that anyone demonstrating excited emotional states in the workplace can expect to be pitied, suspected, ridiculed or even fired. Bottling up emotions is the order of the working day in these cultures, and I imagine this would apply to many parts of the globe.

Several of the training course participants were clearly used to keeping their emotions to themselves, and found the process of uncorking and pouring out years of vintage feelings to be at both disturbing but also liberating, especially as this took place in an environment of safety and trust with a group of people who shared their vulnerability. As leaders in business, how can we use this knowledge? Should we expect our production planning meetings to break up with attendees sobbing, or the Monday morning sales meeting to culminate in group and individual hugs?

Whatever image this creates, it is clear that an appropriate level of sincerely displayed emotion enhances the effectiveness of business interactions, be they motivational presentations, sales meetings, interviews or board meetings. It says “I Care Enough”. Indeed, it is hard to overstate the power of emotion under control. I will always remember the week after the death of Diana, Princess of Wales. My own emotions and those of my family. The often muted sometimes unrestrained emotions of millions round the world. And most impressive, the astonishing ability of Diana’s brother and of Elton John to express their emotions in eloquent performances, poignant and yet controlled.

This is the balance to aspire to – the power of the emotion is evident, yet the flow is directed, restricted, sufficient yet not excessive.

This may be a talent some people are born with. It is also something which can be learned, by developing “Emotional Intelligence”, or EI.

According to the UK’s Centre for Applied Emotional Intelligence, EI is made up of Intrapersonal (Internal) and Interpersonal(External). The first step is to become aware of one’s own emotional state, strengths and challenges. This provides the tools to recognise and respond to the emotional state, strengths and challenges of other people, and also to achieve mastery of one’s own emotions. Combining these attainments leads to the ability to develop and maintain superior interpersonal relationships – the aim of a great leader and a great salesman.